And by that, no I don’t mean my sexual partner. Get your mind out of the gutter. I mean my top. My Gingham top. Don’t mess with us. I’m like Blog the Bounty Hunter.
Scene: Last night, I was at Cherry Tavern (8th and A) enjoying the hottest drink special in Manhattan: For $5 one can purchase a can of Tecate and a shot of Tequila. That my friend is how it is done. Cherry Tavern knows how to take care of people. If they opened a Cherry Tavern in California, I would have my wedding reception there.
I was wearing my brand new Gingham shirt. I love Gingham. I get that from my mother. That and my ability to sew pleats. Anyways.
My top and I were having a fantastic day. On my way to work, the birds were singing “That’s a Really Cute Top.” Construction workers put down their jackhammers, did several Russian split leaps, and bellowed “That’s a Really Cute Top.” Kelly O’Hara and the Broadway cast of South Pacific burst onto the L train and sang, “That’s a really cute top.” It was raining, but a shield magically appeared, and my top didn’t get wet. Even the rain said, “Dude, that’s a really cute top.”
Then, while enjoying my company at Cherry Taven and listening to Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, some boring British man walked up to me and said, “Are you British.” Me—taking a moment to quote Sex and the City replied with my best Southern accent, “Me? No. I am from Macon, Georgia.” He then said, “You should take that table cloth off your chest.”
I had no witty comeback. I had nothing. I was hurt. Defeated. Shocked. Did he not get the memo that I was wearing a really cute top?
Now, I knew I could fight him, but I didn’t. A can of Tecate was thrown in his direction, but I opted not to fight seeing as though Brits often carry knives, and the last thing Cherry Tavern needed was another knife fight that night. So, I snapped my fingers, and my friends and I headed to the LES to a bar that has a bull riding pin. Bulls and Gingham go together. I knew my top and I wouldn’t be shunned. And as we left, boring British man’s friend arrived. His friend… was wearing… wait for it…wait for it… Are you ready? Are you sitting down… Boring British man’s friend was wearing… Black and White Gingham. It was perfect. Now that my friend, was a really cute top.
4 comments:
That, my friend, is ironic. Or possibly fashion karma...
if i would have been there i would have thrown him over the pool table and show him what a top really looked like with the help of a splintering pool cue
You can sew pleats?!
You should have fought the fool and then gone home with his friend! Get 'er done!!
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