A trip to the bank...

Yesterday I dropped off all my change at The Commerce Bank Penny Arcade. My ass be broke. Nacho cheese gordita crunches don’t pay for themselves. And true to my democratic style, this was some change I could believe in.

Now, when you drop off your change at Commerce Bank, they put on a little show. It’s kind of hot. You meet Penny.

Penny is an animated Dora-the-Explorer-esque hot slut that gladly takes your money. She might as well star on The Housewives of Orange County. She’s all, “Let’s play a game. How much money do you think you have?” However marries that hoe should make her sign a prenup. Anyways, so I make a guess--$100 bucks. If you’re $1.99 away from your guess, you get a special prize. Suddenly, I’m playing The Price is Right on my lunch break. Hell yeah. I drop in my change, some lent, a National Honor Society tie tac circa 1999 that somehow ended up in the pile, and that shizzle starts counting.

My mind starts to wander. I bop my head to Vanessa Carlton playing on my ipod. I love pianos. Oh, Penny’s talking to me.

Penny’s all like “Oh! Ah! My goodness! (Giggle giggle) Let me catch up! You got a lot of change! I can’t keep up!” Penny might as well be an anime porn star.

It finishes. The receipt pops out. Penny waves goodbye like the tranny hooker she is.

And then out of nowhere, an alarm starts to ring. Is Beyonce here? I look up to see if she’s coming down on a bungee cord with a yard full of hair extensions.

Stop.

Do I have time for a Beyonce musical break?
Wait… There’s always time for a Beyonce musical dance break…

Ring the alarm
I've been thru this too long
But I’ll be damned if I see another chick on your arm

Won't you ring the alarm
I've been thru this too long
But I’ll be damned if I see another chick on your arm

Back to blogging.

So, I’ve won. Grand total is $99.39. Hell to the yeah.

I hop, skip, and jump over to the teller with my receipt in hand. I imagine Beyonce back up dancers are standing behind me. I knock over some pregnant lady in the process. (Note: The only time it’s kosher to knock over pregnant women is when you’ve won at the Penny Arcade, you’re trying to get a seat on the L Train, or if Sarah Palin is with child.)

And I am awarded… are you ready for it? Are you sitting down? I won a plastic luggage tag. Excuse me? You rang the alarm for a luggage tag? I ask, “Is there anything else I get?” “Well, we may have pencil cases.” Now, I’m not going to lie. The idea of a pencil case makes me tingle down there a little bit. She searches… but there are no more pencil cases. Some people win the lottery. Some people win a date with Ted Hamilton. I win a freaking luggage tag.